Beets: a new confession

Since confessing about the cabbage that I have hidden in my veggie drawer for the last month, I now realize that it feels good to get such secrets off my chest (those of us with Catholic families love to confess everything).
So here's my new one:

"Dear locavore clergy I have sinned, for I have had three enormous beets in my fridge for at least as long as the cabbage."

It's just that, well, I'm afraid of them. Do you know what they do to your excrement? They have a strong sweet taste, but not a sugary sweet. They have a deep, sophisticated sweetness. They stain my hands, cutting board, and everything else they touch a deep purple. I know they are delicious, but I am afraid.
There. I said it. I'm afraid of a vegetable, and it's name is "beet".
What should I do with the beets???