So here's my new one:
"Dear locavore clergy I have sinned, for I have had three enormous beets in my fridge for at least as long as the cabbage."It's just that, well, I'm afraid of them. Do you know what they do to your excrement? They have a strong sweet taste, but not a sugary sweet. They have a deep, sophisticated sweetness. They stain my hands, cutting board, and everything else they touch a deep purple. I know they are delicious, but I am afraid.
There. I said it. I'm afraid of a vegetable, and it's name is "beet".
What should I do with the beets???